


Gold Falling

by eggjam



Series: On and On [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 16:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggjam/pseuds/eggjam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was unbelievable to him how much he'd tanked, and with every step he considered going back to Australia more and more. Iwatobi be damned, competition be damned, he'd done something terrible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gold Falling

**Author's Note:**

> [biochip](http://biochip.tumblr.com): "summary: rin is a terrible kisser and haru doesn't kiss back yet haru ends up being the only person actually enjoying the kiss"  
>  unbeta'd yet, but i'll get to it!

"Why don't you ever put up a fight?" He barked. "All I want is a real match for once. Focus on me instead of the damn water."

"Of course I focus on you. I don't even want to compete. I don't want to be here. I never wanted to fight with you, and it's not fair that you always ask me to no matter what," Haru shouted. His voice was breaking. They'd been arguing for the past ten minutes, and there it was finally. This was supposed to be fun, him and Haru and the water pulling them together like it had the past few weeks. Not a screaming match, not the truth.

He couldn't believe Haru didn't hate him, not because he'd expected Haru to be capable of that hatred naturally, but because he had worked so hard to make Haru hate him, and he wouldn't. Everything he'd wanted had been for Haru to admit defeat, resent him for his skill and uncontested victory as the superior competitor, their rivalry secure with him as the winner at the last, but Haru had never hated him that way, not even once, not even for a moment. It was frustrating, and he was mortified both at how he'd failed and at all the wasted effort; making every side glance into a battle that Haru always surrendered. Hell, Haru didn't even call up an army. With that same, infuriating, crestfallen expression like a kicked dog, he accepted whatever Rin was feeling without fail and only ever spoke up to apologize. It had been that way forever. When he wasn't accepting, he was apologizing. It burned Rin alive with anger. It had, anyway. It still did in a way. He wasn't fond of losing, and it was especially catastrophic when he didn't get his way after the first try because he never expected to lose. For most people, he knew failure was taken as a lesson to try harder. For him it was an insult because he wasn't most people. He was better than that, and Haru was, though it was difficult for him to admit it even privately, better than him. 

But here they were, face to face in the wan moonlight, and he was angry with himself for failing and for expecting Haru to fail, especially when he had that look again. The kicked dog, and the one who kicked him. There was no one to blame but himself, and he didn't like it because it weighed on him and cut through him. 

He was so pretty. He was damp. God damn it, Haru was pretty. He looked so sad. There was hair sticking to his face, black in the dimness. Rin hated himself. Haru was pretty. They'd been swimming, and Haru was damp, and Rin had failed, and how could he have been so wrong when Haru was so sad? Why did he have to be responsible when all he wanted to be was victorious? He'd worked so fucking hard at it, he felt it was owed him, but his only prize was this. Haru was damp and sad and his eyes were so much hopelessly wetter than they ever should have been. That was the wrong thing Haru was feeling. Maybe. No.

There was the struggle coming up again, having to admit being wrong. He'd never wish to be Makoto, but Rin wished he had his sort of grace to deal with situations like these. Emotions on the mistier end of the spectrum where you couldn't disentagle the hurt from the anger from the guilt from the want.

"Are you talking about now or then?" Of all the times they'd shared he couldn't remember ever telling Haru it was okay not to put his fists up. Trying to remember one was pointless, anyway because he hadn't wanted to let Haru have any rest. His goal had been to fight whether each other or whoever Rin had decided, after all, but this was a different angle, and they were all alone. If they hadn't been spending so much time together, he might not have a hard time dismissing it, but looking at Haru was like finding the lighthouse from a mile off the coast. His eyes were too clear, too bright and put him on the spot. It had always been easy to use that to his advantage in the past, coax Haru into fidgeting bashfully like throwing pebbles at a window. Right then, though, he couldn't do a damn thing but sit there and be drawn in to the mess he'd made. Haru didn't answer him. The entire room was Chiaroscuro, and his eyes were all the blue in the world. "I'm," he swallowed and cranked his jaw open to force the words out. "sorry."

"For leaving?"

For leaving? For whatever. "Yes." Anything.

There was a pause, then "You did it on purpose." 

He sighed explosively. It was taking a lot out of him to say this. "I was thirteen, give me a break." God, Haru was pretty, and Rin could only stand and be wrong. Now, he was the one fighting a battle he didn't want to fight. It wasn't fair.

"Yeah, and so was I."

He grimaced at himself for being an idiot and looking back at Haru, who was watching his mouth. His blood was so hot. "I'm only going to say it one more time: I'm sorry." And he really was.

"That's not good enough," Haru's eyes flitted away, out the window. Sullen, accepting again, and there was that bashfulness Rin used to like to use to his advantage so much. Now, he just enjoyed seeing it. "Make it up to me." His breath quickened, and he was relieved this time that Haru accepted his feelings. 

"You want a kiss?" He wanted one. His whole body ached for one. A fight, a victory, and a kiss. He was starving for all three, and he frowned when Haru's eyes snapped back to catch him in the snare again.

"Stop. I want to mean something to you. It's obvious." His nerves were shot, and so was his patience. Haru meant more to him than anyone in the world. He'd gone to another country just to get good enough to beat him. He was the most important person to Rin. For one reason or another. 

"Yeah, alright. But I want to kiss you anyway." Haru would agree at any other point, he knew, but he wanted Haru to say yes right then. 

For a moment, there were no words exchanged, but Haru nodded his head just enough to be an answer and puckered his lips at Rin without closing his eyes. It was ridiculous, but it was what he wanted, and he stepped close, grabbing Haru by the upper arms and pressing their mouths together ferociously. It was a hair's breadth from being a headbutt, and he felt Haru's neck go stiff to keep himself steady under the force, keeping his lips puckered and his arms lax and lazy at his sides. Rin pressed on, nipping at the edge of his mouth before plying another smack, then he moved his face lower to bite his bottom lip, kissed him again, and made a rhythm of it that way. Bite, kiss, bite, kiss, bite, until Haru opened his mouth to take a breath, and Rin tilted his head to zealously stroke Haru's tongue with his own. Pulling Haru tight to his body, gripping his shoulder blades with both hands, digging in his short nails, he continued to nibble at him blissfully until Haru gasped out a quiet "ow." 

Rin froze, let go of his shoulders, and drew back slowly.

Haru's mouth was an unhealthy red, heavily abused, and there was a very slight touch of blood at the corner of his upper lip. His eyes were glazy, and he looked like his face had been attacked by a wild animal rather than kissed by an actual human, and Rin wanted to sink through the floor. He'd fucked up. There was nothing he could say to make that kiss any less awful looking back on how he'd dominated it, and he thought to how hard he'd been clutching at Haru, how Haru hadn't even kissed him back, grimaced and grabbed a fist full of his hair in total humiliation. Haru probably thought he'd been trying to eat him.

"I've got a stomach ache. I'm not as good as I would be." He'd never kissed anyone in his life. "I'm going to go home." That was technically the best kiss he'd ever had. 

Haru said nothing, and Rin turned to leave at a quick pace, cringing so hard he thought he'd probably look like a Picasso if there were anyone around to see him. It was unbelievable to him how much he'd tanked, and with every step he considered going back to Australia more and more. Iwatobi be damned, competition be damned, he'd done something terrible. The corridor was empty, and his heart was racing. He'd kissed Haru, and he'd been so pretty and okay with it all, and then he'd gone from kissing him to trying to tear his lower jaw off with his teeth, and it had all gone to hell. Regret. Regret Regret. He'd lost. Regret.

It was a long, long night, and he didn't sleep, but he took many opportunities to pull his lips apart in front of the bathroom mirror and examine his teeth. He brushed them too many times to count, and the next day when one of his classmates offhandedly told him he looked sharp, he snapped at them to go fuck themselves. There was nothing to distract himself with. No swimming practice. He didn't want to go anyway. Gou hadn't texted him. He wouldn't tell her about this even if she had, and he wasn't sure there was anything he could talk to her about that wouldn't work its way around to the Iwatobi team in the end which would defeat the purpose. Why the hell did he always have to lose to Haru? 

At best, he hoped he could play it off. They were friends now. He couldn't go back to being an asshole, not when they'd come so far and he'd actually said he was sorry. That was too hard to accomplish to throw away, and he couldn't bring it up or try it again. Who knew what would happen if he did? He hunched into himself and glowered the entire day, skipped lunch, debated doing his homework but eventually decided his grades would pathetically suffer if he didn't, and anyone who came near him got a severe brush off. It was hot outside, and when the final bell rang, he tied his jacket around his waist in annoyance and took a long route to the dorms. He'd fucked up, and it wasn't like kissing was something you could practice with the same person more than once. If you failed the first time, you were just a failure. That's how it was. He had to deal with being a failure, but Haru had been so pretty.

Haru had always been pretty. That was never in question, but when he'd been thinking more with his trophy case than with his heart it had been easier not to care about. He wanted to go back to his room and try, though. People got the message that he wasn't particularly friendly, and they left him alone for the most part. Sometimes someone would take a chance, but he dismissed it. Cute, but unnecessary. He wanted glory, not friendship. Usually, but when he twisted the doorknob to his room when he got there and found it open, he decided he might do with some. Haru had a key. Haru was the only one who had a key. His thoughts went to the bulky knot of his jacket sleeves sticking out stupidly at his hip, and he stood with his hand on the knob, not sure whether to go in or turn back until Haru went home. He probably didn't even want to talk to Rin, only came because he wasn't one to drop tradition (after all, he was still swimming in his bathtub even with both the Samezuka and Iwatobi pools at his disposal) and it was what they had taken to doing recently. They met at Rin's room, got his crap, and set out to find somewhere to swim together. They talked sometimes - never about the past - but it had started to become easy, and he'd started to need for more of Haru.

The thought of Haru sprawled out comfortably at home on his bed made him bitter. He probably wasn't, was definitely doing his own homework at the desk while he waited, but Rin liked to imagine. The knob twisted in his hand, and he stepped back defensively, shielding the ugly jacket knot. Of course it was the first place Haru's eyes went when he opened the door, then he stared at Rin, and Rin stared at the scrapes on Haru's mouth. His face slowly shifted into an unhappy scowl.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Go home, Haru," he scoffed.

His eyebrows drew together in concern, and he seemed shocked. "Why?"

"What? Why why?" Rin was being given a look like he had a third head growing in on top of a second, and he spluttered in exasperation, looking up and down the hall to make sure it was empty before pushing Haru inside and closing the door behind them, shoving off the hideous jacket knot he'd been using as a poor place to direct his anger. 

"I don't understand."

"Last night?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yes."

"Your face is scratched!"

"Because you bit me." Haru was nonplussed, and Rin didn't know what else to say. He'd already said sorry so much just thinking about it was giving him a headache. Even with his mouth the way it was, Haru was a kissable mess. Rin gestured up and down himself with a flat hand and crossed his arms over his chest, giving up on words, but Haru looked straight at him. "I don't mind it because you're rough." He said it like it made perfect sense, eyes turned away, but still all he could see was how horrible the kiss had been. There was physical evidence that he'd nearly killed someone with his affection. Sloppy, wet, sharp, painful, and desperate. It wasn't a kiss. It was a combat exercise. Haru cut through him again with those clear blue eyes, and he felt ashamed. It was beginning to piss him off. "You can only be rough." He sat in the desk chair, unable to keep his gaze in one place, training his focus between Rin, his homework, and the window at the back of the room.

Rin considered that. He was rough. He didn't mean to be rough, but he guessed he was, yeah. It was a terrible kiss, and it was terrible because he was a rough guy, inelegant and voracious, again unlike Makoto, but Haru seemed okay with it. He was there, and it was hot outside - swimming weather - and Rin still wanted to kiss Haru if he could just forget that he'd ever done it before. So, he stood straight and walked over to sit on the desk top, leaned in, and very, very, delicately kissed Haru spot on the lips. He smelled like chlorine, and Rin let it last for a bare second, just quick enough to avoid a second failure, and pulled back. Haru was unmoved as he had been the night before, but he didn't look like a sad dog, so Rin accepted it. 

He grabbed his gear, pulled Haru out the door, and decided to skip homework after all.


End file.
